A Letter to the Woman Who’s Doing Too Much
You Don’t Have to Hold It All Together
You don’t have to do it all to be enough. This letter is for the woman who’s been holding everything together—often at the expense of her own rest and peace. It’s a gentle reminder that slowing down isn’t failure; it’s an act of self-preservation.
Last updated: November 2025
For every woman who feels responsible for holding everything together, this letter is for you.
As the holiday season approaches, the pace of life often accelerates. The lists get longer. The expectations multiply. The quiet moments you once promised yourself dissolve into errands, emails, and emotional labor. You tell yourself that if you can just get through the week, then maybe you’ll rest. But somehow, the finish line always moves.
At Ms.Medicine, we see you. We see how much you do for others, how many invisible tasks you shoulder, and how easily your own needs slip to the bottom of the list.
This isn’t a list of things to add to your already full plate. It’s permission to set some of that plate down.
The Weight of Doing It All
So many women live in a constant state of “I’ve got it.” You juggle work, family, friendships, and caregiving. You remember birthdays, refill prescriptions, schedule appointments, and make sure everyone else eats, rests, and feels seen.
It’s beautiful...and exhausting.
What often goes unseen is the toll this takes on your health. Research shows that women who serve as primary caregivers are more likely to experience fatigue, anxiety, and chronic stress. Over time, this can affect immune function, heart health, and even hormone balance. Yet many women hesitate to ask for help or take time for themselves, believing rest is indulgent rather than essential.
We talk to women every day who are running on empty. The first step to restoring your health is recognizing that you deserve the same care and attention you give so freely to others.
You Deserve the Same Care You Give
So many women pour endless energy into others, yet rarely pause to refill their own reserves. Your needs aren’t secondary—they’re essential. Before you give more, give yourself permission to rest, to breathe, and to matter just as much as those you care for.
Reframing Rest as Resistance
What if rest wasn’t a reward, but a boundary?
True rest is an act of defiance in a culture that values constant productivity. It’s the moment you say, “I matter, too.” Rest can look like stepping away from a to-do list, saying no to one more holiday event, or sitting quietly with your coffee before the house wakes up.
Even small acts of restoration, ten minutes of deep breathing, a slow walk outside, or turning your phone on silent during dinner, signal to your body that it’s safe to slow down.
And when you do, something shifts. Your thoughts settle. Your energy begins to return. Your nervous system, which has been operating in overdrive, finally exhales.
Setting Boundaries with Compassion
Boundaries are not walls; they’re invitations to healthier relationships.
Saying no can feel uncomfortable, especially for women who have been conditioned to be accommodating. But boundaries protect your emotional and physical health. They create space for what truly matters: connection, joy, and presence.
Here are a few gentle ways to start:
Pause before saying yes. Ask yourself if the request aligns with your energy and priorities.
Replace guilt with gratitude. You can appreciate others without overextending yourself.
Use clear, kind language. “I’d love to help, but I can’t take that on right now.”
Protect your recharge time. Schedule rest like you would any other appointment, and keep it.
Boundaries are not selfish. They are a declaration that your well-being is valuable, too.
The Quiet Power of Small Joys
When life feels overwhelming, joy can seem far away. But joy often hides in plain sight, in a favorite song, a warm blanket, or a phone call with someone who makes you laugh.
Caregivers tend to focus on others’ happiness, yet reclaiming your own sources of joy is vital for emotional resilience. Take a few minutes each day to do something that feels nourishing, not productive.
Try:
Sitting outside for five minutes of sunlight
Listening to a podcast that makes you smile
Keeping a “small joys” journal to capture the moments that make you exhale
Planning something—just for you—after the holidays
These are not luxuries. They are lifelines.
Caring for the Caregiver
If you’re reading this and feeling seen, let this be your sign to pause. Not everything that demands your attention deserves it equally. You can care deeply without carrying everything.
Your health matters. Your peace matters. And you do not need to prove your worth through exhaustion.
At Ms.Medicine, we believe women deserve comprehensive, compassionate care that honors the whole person—mind, body, and heart. If you’ve been putting off your own care, consider scheduling your annual wellness visit, a mental health check-in, or a conversation about stress management and preventive screenings.
Your provider can help you create a plan that supports both your caregiving role and your personal well-being. You don’t have to do this alone.
A New Kind of Strength
Strength isn’t found in doing more. It’s found in knowing when to rest, when to ask for help, and when to step back and let life unfold without your constant tending.
This season, may you remember that care is not just something you give, it’s something you deserve.
Take the nap. Set the boundary. Let the laundry wait.
You have nothing left to prove.
